I keep circling the same question, and this year I finally did something about it.
Agency, in-house, or alone. I have now done all three, and each one solves a problem by creating another.
In an agency you get variety, and colleagues, and a certain glamour, and you also get the feeling that you are one of many hands and the work is never quite yours. In-house you get depth, and the chance to see something through, and the quiet comfort of a salary, and you also get the politics and the slow pace of a large place. Alone you get control, and freedom, and every single problem lands on you, including the ones that have nothing to do with design — like whether anybody is going to pay you this month.
That last one has been the thorn. I love working for myself. I do not love chasing an invoice, or arguing my own worth with someone who has already decided what it is, or spending a Sunday hunting the next client instead of doing the work I am actually good at.
So I have gone looking for a fourth shape, and I think I have found one. There is a network called Toptal that handles the parts I am bad at — the client relationship, the scoping, the money. I would just do the work.
The application is not a formality. It runs for weeks, and it is genuinely hard, and there is a real project to build for it, unpaid, to be judged on.
I find I am glad about that rather than resentful. A gate that is hard to pass is worth more to me than one that is easy. I would rather be tested. Ask me in a month how it went.